thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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