I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
