Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
