I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
