I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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