So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
