Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
