I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
