Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
