so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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