You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
