I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
sex in a hospital.. check
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
