I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
