im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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