She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
