my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
