I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
