I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
okay pat passed out under dana's car
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
