I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
