Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
