I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
