I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
