Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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