Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Two words: nipple clamps
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