I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
