Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
