Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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