we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
