i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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