I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
