Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
