drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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