I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
