he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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