If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
