genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
