I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
