1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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