i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
honey bunches of taint.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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