I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
