Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
