do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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