eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
