We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
