see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
