Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
