At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
