I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
