it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
