TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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