i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Four minutes until I can fart!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
