the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
